chapter 24: leaving home... to return home

moving out of LA & returning to my former homes before embarking on my sabbatical year of travel

May 13, 2024

leaving LA: the end of an era (🎶)

Two weeks ago, I packed up dozens of cardboard boxes full of clothing, bedroom decorations, kitchen appliances, surfing and camping gear, and random apartment nice-to-haves.

I trimmed down the true essentials into two suitcases that I’ll live out of for the next ~12 months in climates ranging from the tropics to the Arctic.

Two years after moving to California from the east coast, I said goodbye to my Santa Monica apartment, the only place I’ve ever signed a longterm lease in the past 8 years of my nomadic college/adult life.

I moved all of my possessions into a 5x5 storage unit, stacked up to the ceiling with meticulously labeled cardboard boxes. My notes app now contains a catalog of every item I own and what box it’s been stored in, to hopefully ease my transition back into “normal life” once I decide to eventually return, unpack, and settle down once again.

I never thought that staring at a wall of cardboard and random household objects would make me cry, but this symbol of a life being left behind brought tears to my eyes under the fluorescent storage unit lighting.

I had already said bittersweet goodbyes to my LA-based friends. I endured an emotionally arduous but logically unavoidable breakup with my LA-rooted boyfriend. My lease and possessions were my last ties to this place I had called home for 2 years.

Two weeks ago, I finally did the damn thing I’ve talked about doing for years.

I gave up everything and radically changed my life to have the freedom to travel and live intuitively. No job, no lease, no one influencing my decisions — just a reserve of hard-earned savings and a dream of living life to its fullest.

I’m in full control of my own life and can follow my own gut feeling of what’s the right way of spending my time, what’s the right speed to be moving at, where’s the best place to be going next, who are the right new people to grow closer with along the way, what’s the right next step for my life and career after this sabbatical eventually comes to an end.

Am I a little bit scared about the uncertainty? Definitely.

Am I also extremely excited about the unknown potential behind so many unopened doors and untraveled paths? DEFINITELY.

I am flexing the muscle of confidence each and every day knowing that there is no one in charge of my life and my next steps except myself.

Thankfully, radical self-reliance breeds radical optimism (shoutout to the flawless new Dua Lipa album by the same name).

I am radically optimistic about my ability to follow my dreams and make the most of this upcoming year on sabbatical.

returning to an old era

My big nomadic sabbatical journey doesn’t really start until this Saturday, May 18 when I fly to the Bahamas to begin 2.5 months of nearly nonstop scuba diving in the Caribbean.

First up, I’ve spent the last two weeks in the small New Jersey suburb where I lived the first 18 years of my life and in New York City, where I went to college and where the majority of my friends still live.

My timing of moving out of LA as soon as reasonably possible (just 1.5 months after my job abruptly ended) coincided with pre-existing plans to return home to celebrate best friends’ birthdays, my first time attending a friend’s wedding, and Mother’s Day – which all feels like divine timing now that this time at home serves as a sendoff opportunity to reconnect with the people I love most before I thrust myself into the unknown for months on end.

Even though I felt very aligned with the friendships I built in LA over the past two years, there’s a fundamentally different depth of conversation with people who have known you for a majority of your life. I’ve relished how recent conversations back home don’t need any background context because these friends and family have lived the play-by-plays of life with me for years, if not decades.

Although I feel I’ve outgrown my hometown and I no longer fit into the ideals or lifestyle of a New Yorker, there’s immense value to coming back and feeling a sense of familiarity — even if I no longer desire to call either of these places my home voluntarily, they will never cease to be part of me.

Home is more than just where you currently live or pay rent; home is a collection of the places that comprise your unique history and have shaped you into the person you are.

As much as you are where you go, you also are where you’ve been — and the places from your past that have shaped you will always feel like a small piece of home even after you’ve changed to fit a new mold.

reflecting on 2 months being happily unemployed

Honestly, not having to work is the best feeling in the world and I’ve loved every second of the last two months since my last company and I mutually realized it was no longer a good fit for me.

I have so much more mental bandwidth to reflect on my daily experiences, take time to socialize and be a better friend, and think long term about my future rather than about what to reply in an email or Slack thread about some minuscule task that won’t matter two weeks from now.

It definitely comes from a place of privilege (and years of hard work and strategic saving) to not be financially stressed, to be able to short-term stay with family or friends without incurring expenses, and to have gotten a decent amount of severance pay that will last me a long time now that I’m swapping the hefty monthly expense of rent in a major US city for cheaper costs of living like my $300 per month rent for an apartment in Honduras this summer.

In the 2 months since starting this career break, I’ve been lucky enough to have 28 separate, in-depth conversations with friends who are either preparing to take a sabbatical, are also in the middle of a career break, or are on the other side now, fully adjusted back to “normal” life and work post-sabbatical.

Surrounding myself with others who even have the words “sabbatical” or “career break” as part of their vocabulary, let alone have lived it, has been exponentially helpful in increasing my confidence about my current life path.

One common thread through everyone I know who has dabbled in the novelty of taking a break from work shares one key trait: trust in themselves.

Everything will work out in the end, somehow.

You might not know what “working out in the end” will look like, but you trust that you’re competent enough to handle any obstacles that arise along the way and you’ll get there — wherever “there” ends up being.

Taking a sabbatical and trusting in yourself amidst the uncontrollable chaos of the world could be summed up in this quote I recently saw online:

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because its trust is not on the branch but in its own wings.”

Even if everything goes not according to plan this next year — if the branch I’m perched on breaks — I know I trust my own wings to carry me forward.

I’ve been practicing flying off on my own around the world for nearly 8 years now, and the more I venture into the unknown, the more I have the confidence to continue doing so.

While I’ve been in my childhood home this week, I rediscovered a middle school graduation poem that I wrote in 2012.

If you could use a little push to trust more in your own wings than in the branch, maybe this poem will help you:

Set the compass

Follow the map

Chart your course

In the direction of your dreams

We are all ships

Afloat in the sea

Who knows where we are going

Who knows what we can be

A beacon of hope

Across the stormy sea

Destiny is a lighthouse

A guide to where we need to be

There is no such thing as failure

No such thing as a mistake

Only opportunities to grow and learn

And experiences that make us stronger

We will inspire, create, and change the world

Our destinies are ours and ours alone

Always look forward

But never forget

Learn from the past

But never regret

When all is said and done

We can all look back and know

That we charted our courses with strength and love

And help from guiding hands

For now we have reached our destination

One journey is now behind us

But another has just begun.

— Caitlyn Lubas, age 13

👯‍♀️ join me on an upcoming group trip!

🌌🇮🇸 september 21-26 = iceland: northern lights, geysers, and glaciers

SOLD OUT! me and 10 ladies - some friends and some complete strangers - will be exploring Iceland and watching the northern lights dance above us. Since my first wellness-oriented trip this past New Year’s Eve went so well, I’m planning on incorporating journaling and self-reflection sessions into this bucket list nature trip too!
- If you are feeling fomo, I can add more spots if you can confirm by May 18 – so review the itinerary on the trip website and contact me BY THIS FRIDAY if you’re ready to commit to join!

🇲🇦🐪 october 5-12 = morocco: from the sahara to the sea

COMING SOON! Morocco has always been a dream destination for me, and this is the year I’m making it happen – and I’m inviting you to come along with me! I’m currently sorting through local tour providers to make sure we have a safe experience with a local guide and driver on a roadtrip from the Sahara desert down to the breathtaking Moroccan coastline.
As soon as the full itinerary is ready (hopefully by end of this week!), I’ll share a sign up link – but let me know your interest early if you want first dibs!

📱let’s connect

If you’ve got feedback or suggestions for topics you want to hear more about, don’t be shy! Reply to this email or DM me:

Instagram: @caitlynlubas
Twitter: @caitlynlubas
LinkedIn: Caitlyn Lubas (feel free to reach out if you want to talk about working remotely, quitting multiple jobs in the span of 3 years, transitioning careers, taking a sabbatical etc!)

That’s all for now…

Remember, you are where you go – never stop exploring the world and yourself! 🌎 🌍 🌏

If you enjoy my writing in this newsletter, you’d love my book called You Are Where You Go: A Traveler’s Coming of Age Journey Through 70 Countries and 7 Continents During College.

Feel free to pick up a copy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or reply if you’re interested in me sending you a signed hardcover or paperback copy :)