chapter 26: trying on different lives

how travel helps you discover how “they” live

When we travel, we willingly thrust ourselves into the unfamiliar.

At home, we see our friends, family, coworkers, the local barista, and the waitstaff at our go-to restaurants as part of the everyday fabric of life. Nothing to take note of. Despite living different daily lives, we all choose to live in that same place, so inherently we who call the same place home are pretty similar to each other.

Away from home in exotic locales, we interact with hostesses, retail workers, tourism activity operators, hotel lobby managers, and local residents who call our vacation destination their home. Every difference feels worthy of notice. We inherently understand that these characters are part of a they that we aren’t included in. We interpret their actions as a representation of how they live around here, and contrast it to how we live back home.

Whether it’s a conscious intention or not, travel causes us to learn about life in a different corner of the world. We may jet over to the tropics thinking only of how we want to soak up the balmy sunshine, swaying palm trees, and crystal blue ocean – but, in the background of the beach photos we’re posting on Instagram, we’re inevitably simultaneously forming an opinion:

“So, this is how they live here...”

Travel is the most direct way we can experience life through a new lens, to hear an interpretation of the world filtered through a brain that grew up in a context far removed from our own.

And for those who travel with an exploratory intention, those days wandering around in a foreign environment can feel like trying on a different life.

If you don’t strongly identify with the we that you left behind in your place of origin, you can integrate yourself in the midst of the they that you’re currently in – and hypothesize about how you might, maybe, one day, fit in better here. 

Or, even if you’re in love with your life back home, you can still position yourself as a curious observer and an empathetic listener. You can actively seek to understand more about how different theys around the world operate in ways that might seem peculiar compared to what we consider normal somewhere else. 

“Why can’t I try on different lives, like dresses, to see which fits best and is more becoming?”

― Sylvia Plath

Last weekend, after spending a week at sea trying on the life of a sailor, I visited the Florida Keys – not the cruise-ship-frequented Key West, or the close-to-Miami bustle of Key Largo, but the more rural and laid back middle keys of Islamorada and Marathon.

While I’m normally an advocate for international travel to learn about different lifestyles, the US northeast (where I was born and raised) versus the south is a great example of how cultural differences can be found within even the same national borders.

In the Keys, inhabitants know their small strip of land barely above sea level is going to be the first affected if (or, when) worldwide sea levels rise in the near, foreboding future. Maybe that’s why it seems like people down here really give a damn about the environment. And they don’t just talk about saving our planet… they actually do something about it.

While spending a weekend in the place they call home – a small two-block-wide sliver of land with one long road as the sole connector to other small pockets of civilization – I got to vicariously try on the life of a conservationist.

I learned from educators and surgeons who worked at a turtle hospital. I’d never even heard of a turtle hospital before, let alone met people who dedicated their careers to saving members of endangered reptile species that struggle with maligned shells from boat accidents or plentiful tumors from human-polluted waters.

one of the 41 injured turtle hospital patients waiting for treatment before being released back into the wild with a higher chance of survival

I spent time above and below water with a coral restoration non-profit team. These young, hopeful environmentalists drill holes in rocks underwater to help outplant baby coral fragments and slowly but surely combat the damage that human-induced climate change has wreaked on our coral reefs.

sticking coral fragments into a rock, which will naturally grow and replenish the surrounding coral reef over time

It was my first brush with people who could actually say their daily actions are saving the world. 

Not “revolutionizing ecommerce” or “bringing the world closer together” or whatever gung-ho mission statement the latest startup touts as its way of “changing the world” – no, far removed from these capitalist feelgood buzzwords, these people were actually saving living things and replenishing our lived environment.

Back in my New York and Los Angeles and San Francisco friend circles, I don’t know any turtle surgeons or underwater coral outplanters. I know bankers, consultants, content creators, and tech startup founders. 

But who do I want to know more about? Who do I find inspiring? Who actually derives real joy and purpose from their work? These are the questions I ponder as I meet new people, and mentally try on their lives for size, as I travel.

Many people might say it seems crazy to dedicate your entire career to coral or turtles – these are the types of jobs you don’t do for the money, and the daily work can involve hard, physical labor. 

But, why is it not considered crazy to dedicate your life to learning the intricacies of the Google search algorithm, or learning how to run complex business analyses? Are these niche disciplines only understandable because they pay well? Because these roles have been deemed to be well-respected and safe?

During the next year that I spend on sabbatical — intentionally not working but just absorbing and exploring — I want to marinate in questions like these.

I don’t think an answer about the “right” way to live or work exists, but I want to understand the multifaceted pros and cons of many unique lifestyles to find what is right for me. By taking the time to try on different lives, I’ll eliminate many unknowns and “what ifs” about paths not taken when I return to the real world of work and normal life.

Maybe one of the lifestyles I get to try on during this journey will fit me better. Maybe one day I’ll walk out of the fitting room and go straight to the checkout counter instead of putting it back on the rack.

But for now, I’ll keep browsing. I’ll keep visiting new places, meeting new faces, and collecting different perspectives.

When I find the life that they live which seems to fit me best, I’ll do everything in my power to make it the life that I live.

---

🗣 chime in

What about you? During your travels, have you found a lifestyle that they live that you contemplate making your own one day?

I’d love to hear about it. Just hit “reply” or feel free to message me directly!

---

👯‍♀️ join me on an upcoming group trip!

🇲🇦🐪 october 5-12 = sands of the sahara: a moroccan odyssey roadtrip

• If riding a camel and sleeping under the stars in the Sahara desert is on your bucket list… come along with me!

• Join me, 10 like-minded strangers (who will become your new friends!), a local guide, and a private driver on an epic roadtrip from Marrakech to Tangier, stopping for an overnight in the Sahara desert, Fes, Chefchaouen, and small villages in the Atlas Mountains. Check out the full itinerary, cost, and some inspiring photos of what we’ll see – and book your spot ASAP!

---

📝 notes on living intuitively

I spent the past few days visiting a longtime friend who works at Disney World in Orlando. Even though she gets the major perk of bringing guests to the theme park for free (normally $150+ for a single day), I found myself more excited about the thought of resting and just enjoying the amenities of her modern, art-oriented apartment building.

This is my first time in recent memory trying to vacation rather than travel – and I loved every second of it. I let myself sleep in, I meandered down the road at random hours to try out cute little coffee shops, I rotated between every different comfy chair surrounding the pool area while reading and writing at leisure, and let my creativity run wild with the free canvases and paints provided by this apartment complex.

stared at blank canvases and channeled my inner child to paint whatever felt fun and right in the moment

The logical, maximize-every-second-of-the-day version of myself normally would have pushed myself to do all “the Orlando things” like going to Disney World – but the intuitive side of myself begged me to rest, and I’m glad I listened to her.

---

thanks for reading !

my goal is to inspire you to travel more as a tool for personal development – and, to live life in a way that feels right to you.

if you enjoy my writing in this newsletter, you’d love my book called You Are Where You Go: A Traveler’s Coming of Age Journey Through 70 Countries and 7 Continents During College